3/22: in Your hands

ugh.  totally bombed the interview yesterday afternoon.  i guess that's what i deserve considering how little i prepared for it.  i walked in there yesterday with a lame paper copy of my scholarship application, while two smiley and charismatic young ladies walked in, the other applicants for yesterday's interview date.  they were well-spoken, charming, and engaging.  i was the mute asian girl in the corner stuttering and rambling.  i was so unprepared.  from the first question to the very last, i was a goner.  afterwards, the admissions coordinator - who is super nice - walked me out and reassured/comforted me.  yes, that's how bad the interview went.  she had to reassure me, which was basically the nail in the coffin.  the hug she gave me before i left was basically a gentler way of saying, "it's ok.  you kinda sucked on your interview.  but we really liked you on paper!"  haha.

idk.  i guess i thought my life would just speak for itself.  i thought a lot of my experiences and aspirations would fit with what the scholarship was looking for.  and plus, i live in lake county!  come on.  i thought i was a perfect fit.  but it was my bad -- i didn't prepare enough.  i was too lazy and probably a bit too overconfident.  i get what i deserved.  and while i was driving back home, the frustration and disappointment ebbed away.  i truly do trust that God will provide for me financially while i am in school.  i trust that God knows what He's doing and that He's ultimately in control.  He's the author of my life; He's the potter, and i'm merely the clay.  and looking back on how faithful and good He has been to me over the years, i know that the God of yesterday is the same God of today and of tomorrow.  whatever happens, happens, and is for the best. 

"We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer...We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps...those who trust the Lord will be joyful...We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall" (Proverbs 16.1, 9, 20b, 33, NLT).

These were the lines i underlined in Proverbs 16, a chapter i had read before taking my GRE sometime last year.  they gave me peace then, and they give me peace now.  my life is in perfect hands.