today i appreciate: Biblical community
i know this word is thrown around a lot, especially here at HMCC. sometimes i think its thrown around so much that the real, true, and raw power of its definition has faded over time into a part of the church culture's casual lingo. because of that, i think that the Biblical community i have experienced here over the past 5 years is something i have taken for granted. i know that there are definitely more than a handful of people out there who have not-so-nice things to say about HMCC. and though i've had my disagreements with Harvest at times, i will always stand by the fact that this church is a place where true Biblical community occurs. i know this for a fact because i've witnessed it, i've felt it, and i wont ever budge from what i have experienced.
take tonight as an example:
we had several members in our lg who couldn't afford to go the undergrad retreat. i remember when the first person expressed a need, i was kind of excited to see how God would grow our community, picturing a fund that we could set up as a lg to support this one member. but then when other needs arose, i started to panic. how were we going to raise enough money for these people to go to the retreat? the more i prayed, the more desperate i got. i cant say i lacked complete faith, but yes, confession, i didnt fully trust and believe. there was still that hint of doubt and worry. i had a committed member keep track of the fund, and without even knowing how much our own lg had raised, i emailed the leaders in our church (under the advice of one of the few older brothers whom i trust and respect) and asked for support. i expected maybe a couple people to respond but God had completely blown my expectations out of the water. He went above and beyond what i had imagined. not only were people from different life stages responding but several lg's responded by giving generously. by the end of tonight, we had surpassed our goal by 300%. Praise God!
when one of the lg's gave one of their very very very generous donations tonight, i was moved to tears. which was pretty embarrassing because i didnt really know the male leader, and honestly, i hate hate hate hate crying in front of guys (i know. pride). but i couldnt help it. when the leaders gave me the envelope overflowing with their donation and love, tears just started to fall. i was so touched, not only by their generosity and support, but also by God's amazing faithfulness. when i was lacking faith as a leader, God went above and beyond my expectations and imagination. He showed me that He can do so much more than i thought. and He showed me that He loves this life group so much. even when i wasnt trusting or believing or praying, God had this group on His mind the whole time. its so clear that He loves this group and He wants to do great things.
but anyways, im getting side-tracked. tonight was a beautiful example of Biblical community. the partnership of this church and our leadership and our different ministries is absolutely astounding. not only is it poignant but i see that it is truly not powered by human emotions and efforts but by the grace and love that Jesus has for His people. i hope that i will be able to find a community as Biblically-based and Christ-centered as this one here in ann arbor when i move onto the next chapter of my life.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
the challenge of work
yikes....missed a couple days. derf.
yesterday i appreciated: the challenges of work and the stretching of faith it requires
i remember last year deciding to commit to staying for another year so that i could grow in prayer and ministry, a commitment that really set a lot of my plans out of motion since i was about 90% sure i was going to leave last year. and after making that commitment, God provided a job for me the very next day, and its been interesting to see what God had in store for me to learn and grow in through this job.
there have been plenty of times, especially in the beginning, when i questioned whether i could truly have ministry and this job coincide and coexist. when i was starting, there were a lot of schedule conflicts between church-related meetings and events and my shifts. i work in the ER, so my shifts are all over the place and there's no regularity - i can work in the daytime, afternoon, overnight, weekends, weekdays, holidays, etc. and i remember being so frustrated because i kept wondering..."God, if you gave me this conviction to stay to grow in ministry, how come you are making it physically and logistically impossible to do so with these schedule conflicts?"
over time, the conflicts lessened, and i see now how much God had stretched my faith and even my personal character. i pray every day before going to work because i really am absolutely nothing in the hospital food chain. i feel lesser than the fax machines in ER. i honestly have nothing to offer. i have no background in medical terminology, no formal medical knowledge, yet there i am amongst doctors, PAs, and nurses, and seriously, sometimes i feel like such a fool for being there. who do i think i am? i have nothing to offer, nothing useful to give. plus, the liability issues are pretty big - if i mess up, im dealing with a patient's life here, and that's not just something to brush off. because of all these things, when i first started off, i used to go into work with a lot of anxiety. which physician was i going to work with? was i going to screw up? but this anxiety also led me to a daily desperation and humility. i couldnt depend on myself cuz i literally was nothing. i could only depend on God. and even still, when i go into work, im seriously desperate for God's help to sustain and support me.
im so thankful for how far God has taken me, not only spiritually, but character-wise as well through the challenges of work. time and time again, after every tiring shift, im amazed and so thankful because it is God alone who does carry me through. He's growing me as well to be more bold and confident in an unfamiliar atmosphere. in the beginning, i was this mute asian girl. but im learning to converse casually with the physicians (gasp! figures of authority!) and even joke with the staff. even all of this is by the grace of God, and i hope that God will continue to grow my confidence and remind me that im not living for my supervisor, the MDs, or the staff - i live for an audience of One and Him alone.
yesterday i appreciated: the challenges of work and the stretching of faith it requires
i remember last year deciding to commit to staying for another year so that i could grow in prayer and ministry, a commitment that really set a lot of my plans out of motion since i was about 90% sure i was going to leave last year. and after making that commitment, God provided a job for me the very next day, and its been interesting to see what God had in store for me to learn and grow in through this job.
there have been plenty of times, especially in the beginning, when i questioned whether i could truly have ministry and this job coincide and coexist. when i was starting, there were a lot of schedule conflicts between church-related meetings and events and my shifts. i work in the ER, so my shifts are all over the place and there's no regularity - i can work in the daytime, afternoon, overnight, weekends, weekdays, holidays, etc. and i remember being so frustrated because i kept wondering..."God, if you gave me this conviction to stay to grow in ministry, how come you are making it physically and logistically impossible to do so with these schedule conflicts?"
over time, the conflicts lessened, and i see now how much God had stretched my faith and even my personal character. i pray every day before going to work because i really am absolutely nothing in the hospital food chain. i feel lesser than the fax machines in ER. i honestly have nothing to offer. i have no background in medical terminology, no formal medical knowledge, yet there i am amongst doctors, PAs, and nurses, and seriously, sometimes i feel like such a fool for being there. who do i think i am? i have nothing to offer, nothing useful to give. plus, the liability issues are pretty big - if i mess up, im dealing with a patient's life here, and that's not just something to brush off. because of all these things, when i first started off, i used to go into work with a lot of anxiety. which physician was i going to work with? was i going to screw up? but this anxiety also led me to a daily desperation and humility. i couldnt depend on myself cuz i literally was nothing. i could only depend on God. and even still, when i go into work, im seriously desperate for God's help to sustain and support me.
im so thankful for how far God has taken me, not only spiritually, but character-wise as well through the challenges of work. time and time again, after every tiring shift, im amazed and so thankful because it is God alone who does carry me through. He's growing me as well to be more bold and confident in an unfamiliar atmosphere. in the beginning, i was this mute asian girl. but im learning to converse casually with the physicians (gasp! figures of authority!) and even joke with the staff. even all of this is by the grace of God, and i hope that God will continue to grow my confidence and remind me that im not living for my supervisor, the MDs, or the staff - i live for an audience of One and Him alone.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
baby hippo beginnings
today i appreciate: seeing how God has transformed and grown a relationship over the past 5 years
met up with jenny today. finally! and as we were sharing, i was just so encouraged by how much God has grown our relationship. haha...oh jenny. remember your freshman year/my sophomore year???? that seems so long ago. i remember our first lcg down in south quad's basement in that weird diner. i remember studying with you in club 600. i remember our korean-food-parties. i remember you seeing me all gross and nasty b/c i hadnt showered for days. i remember sleeping while u were knocking outside my dorm room for morning prayer.
how far we've come! =)
im truly blessed by our relationship. its amazing to see how God sovereignly brought us together. not only were we in the same life group, but you lived right under me. and i dont know if u know this, jenny, but i felt like that was my "freshman" year too. even though i was technically a sophomore, i was just starting to recommit myself to Christ that year. just as you were starting to commit to HMCC, so was i. and just as much as you tell me you needed me that year, i needed you. you were such a good friend to me. you have blessed me so much over the years. you've exemplified God's love to me by loving me the way that i am, no matter what. and as we were talking today and sharing about our similar struggles, i saw how God has built our relationship over the past 5 years. we've grown so much since our baby hippo stage. :)
met up with jenny today. finally! and as we were sharing, i was just so encouraged by how much God has grown our relationship. haha...oh jenny. remember your freshman year/my sophomore year???? that seems so long ago. i remember our first lcg down in south quad's basement in that weird diner. i remember studying with you in club 600. i remember our korean-food-parties. i remember you seeing me all gross and nasty b/c i hadnt showered for days. i remember sleeping while u were knocking outside my dorm room for morning prayer.
 |
| 2005 |
 | |
| 2010 |
how far we've come! =)
im truly blessed by our relationship. its amazing to see how God sovereignly brought us together. not only were we in the same life group, but you lived right under me. and i dont know if u know this, jenny, but i felt like that was my "freshman" year too. even though i was technically a sophomore, i was just starting to recommit myself to Christ that year. just as you were starting to commit to HMCC, so was i. and just as much as you tell me you needed me that year, i needed you. you were such a good friend to me. you have blessed me so much over the years. you've exemplified God's love to me by loving me the way that i am, no matter what. and as we were talking today and sharing about our similar struggles, i saw how God has built our relationship over the past 5 years. we've grown so much since our baby hippo stage. :)
dieselites
yesterday i appreciated: diesel girl hangouts/convos transforming into examples of Biblical sisterhood
came home from thursday prayer gathering yesterday to have accountability with anna. of course, we began stuffing our faces. this seems to be a daily ritual of ours whenever we're at home together. "omg i'm so hungry...why am i so hungry?" "omg me too." "omg i could just eat this whole thing of rice right now." "omg me too." "im about to just eat this whole thing of rice right now." "omg me too." "omg i'm going crazy right now." "omg me too." and then we're left with an empty pot of rice.
i guess that's something else that i appreciate - unexpected similarities. we're both monsters when it comes to food, and i appreciate that we can revel in our monstrosity together. and i never would have expected that b/c i always thought anna was one of those girls i had nothing in common with. but i've been so pleasantly surprised these past 2 years at our similarities, and also at our differences, because her differences truly do sharpen me.
but anyway, so during our food craze, esther comes over and sits with us....and then we begin a long extended convo that stretched into a whole slew of topics....frustrations we have, struggles we have as single adults, etc....katie and susie join us maybe ~40 minutes into the convo....which then transformed into an intense time of prayer and vulnerability.....all of this probably spanned ~3 hours. how awesome is that? man, God, i'm so thankful for this great community of sisters. i remember my freshman year, sitting in my dorm room, praying for this: for sisterhood - Biblical sisterhood. its so amazing to see You answer this prayer over and over again. you're so amazing, God. truly. and i love you so much for it! =)
its so crazy to see how u answered that prayer...u answered it with providing cindy and ruth lin my sophomore year, and last year, when cindy and ruth left, i prayed that prayer again. with cindy and ruth gone, who would be my accountability? who would be my sisters? and last year with my roomies, i feel like God provided exactly what i needed, and for that, i am truly thankful. i love my class girls - i feel like i have learned so much from them. they sharpen me, challenge me, and love me as i am. this is what Biblical sisterhood is. and that is what i appreciated yesterday night as we ranted, chatted, ate, cried, and prayed. :)
came home from thursday prayer gathering yesterday to have accountability with anna. of course, we began stuffing our faces. this seems to be a daily ritual of ours whenever we're at home together. "omg i'm so hungry...why am i so hungry?" "omg me too." "omg i could just eat this whole thing of rice right now." "omg me too." "im about to just eat this whole thing of rice right now." "omg me too." "omg i'm going crazy right now." "omg me too." and then we're left with an empty pot of rice.
i guess that's something else that i appreciate - unexpected similarities. we're both monsters when it comes to food, and i appreciate that we can revel in our monstrosity together. and i never would have expected that b/c i always thought anna was one of those girls i had nothing in common with. but i've been so pleasantly surprised these past 2 years at our similarities, and also at our differences, because her differences truly do sharpen me.
but anyway, so during our food craze, esther comes over and sits with us....and then we begin a long extended convo that stretched into a whole slew of topics....frustrations we have, struggles we have as single adults, etc....katie and susie join us maybe ~40 minutes into the convo....which then transformed into an intense time of prayer and vulnerability.....all of this probably spanned ~3 hours. how awesome is that? man, God, i'm so thankful for this great community of sisters. i remember my freshman year, sitting in my dorm room, praying for this: for sisterhood - Biblical sisterhood. its so amazing to see You answer this prayer over and over again. you're so amazing, God. truly. and i love you so much for it! =)
its so crazy to see how u answered that prayer...u answered it with providing cindy and ruth lin my sophomore year, and last year, when cindy and ruth left, i prayed that prayer again. with cindy and ruth gone, who would be my accountability? who would be my sisters? and last year with my roomies, i feel like God provided exactly what i needed, and for that, i am truly thankful. i love my class girls - i feel like i have learned so much from them. they sharpen me, challenge me, and love me as i am. this is what Biblical sisterhood is. and that is what i appreciated yesterday night as we ranted, chatted, ate, cried, and prayed. :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Waking up and Washtenaw
today I appreciate: waking up just in time.
Don't you find it uncanny when you wake up just in time for something? It happens in those moments when you're just so ridiculously tired, beyond exhaustion, and you set those 4 alarm clocks on your cell, but you still don't hear any of the crazy bells, whistles, and default verizon-made rap songs, or maybe you did but you unconsciously turned them all off....and there you are, snoozing away, while the commitment that you need to be at looms closer and closer and closer and closer....
and then, randomly, you sluggishly open your eyes, and view the horrifying numbers on the clock. holy crap! if you had slept another 5 minutes, you would have been screwed. but strangely enough, you're waking up - on your own - just in time.
that's exactly what happened to me today...and i have to say that this is not the first time. idk...i cant help thinking in those momentds...God's definitely got my back. it cant be some amazing physiological thing inside me that woke me up just in time. there's no way. i've learned over the years that my body is not as fine-tuned as i once naively believed it to be. i honestly believe that God is waking me up in those crazy "waking-up-just-in-time" days. there's no other explanation! it's happened so many times for me, and since i've ruled out any extraordinary biological powers that i may have, i know that it's God who randomly wakes me up from the potentially deadly snooze. thanks God! =)
oh and another thing i appreciate is driving down washtenaw when it isn't the crazy rush-hour madness. sometimes washtenaw drives me insane. but today, i think i will say that, dear washtenaw street, i will miss you and your long straight constancy and the shops garnishing your sides.
Don't you find it uncanny when you wake up just in time for something? It happens in those moments when you're just so ridiculously tired, beyond exhaustion, and you set those 4 alarm clocks on your cell, but you still don't hear any of the crazy bells, whistles, and default verizon-made rap songs, or maybe you did but you unconsciously turned them all off....and there you are, snoozing away, while the commitment that you need to be at looms closer and closer and closer and closer....
and then, randomly, you sluggishly open your eyes, and view the horrifying numbers on the clock. holy crap! if you had slept another 5 minutes, you would have been screwed. but strangely enough, you're waking up - on your own - just in time.
that's exactly what happened to me today...and i have to say that this is not the first time. idk...i cant help thinking in those momentds...God's definitely got my back. it cant be some amazing physiological thing inside me that woke me up just in time. there's no way. i've learned over the years that my body is not as fine-tuned as i once naively believed it to be. i honestly believe that God is waking me up in those crazy "waking-up-just-in-time" days. there's no other explanation! it's happened so many times for me, and since i've ruled out any extraordinary biological powers that i may have, i know that it's God who randomly wakes me up from the potentially deadly snooze. thanks God! =)
oh and another thing i appreciate is driving down washtenaw when it isn't the crazy rush-hour madness. sometimes washtenaw drives me insane. but today, i think i will say that, dear washtenaw street, i will miss you and your long straight constancy and the shops garnishing your sides.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Reflect. Refresh. Renew.
Sounds like some toothpaste slogan. Or maybe a sermon series. Or one of P.Seth's acronyms.
I guess the title does have to do with P. Seth in that those words are what I hope to be a theme for this year after listening to his sermon this past Sunday. Oh man...I really feel like God used that Sunday to bring me down to my knees and desire a change in my perspective, and I'm so thankful that God is like that. Even though I've been so wayward, doing my own thing, caring only for myself, being rebellious as usual, He still pulls me back, using a powerful and personal sermon like last Sunday's when I wasn't even expecting or asking for it. Man, God, You're so awesome, and I love you for that! :)
P. Seth began the sermon asking, "What do you get up in the morning for?" or something along those lines....and that question not only challenged, but it also moved me. The past couple weeks, I'd been living basically for myself. I'd been living selfishly, and it showed by how wasteful the days seemed. There was no fruit - I felt like I was just existing the past 2-3 weeks. Yikes! That's not the kind of life that Christ died for. God drove me to repentance that Sunday morning, and I'm hoping and praying that I will make much of my days. I hope and pray that I will live each day to its fullest. I hope and pray that I will give every minute as a worship to God. I hope and pray that I would have a heart of joy and thanksgiving the very moment I wake in the morning.
"Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives" (Psalm 90.14, NLT).
Dang. This is what I want for my mornings and my life.
So what does this have to do with my new toothpaste slogan for the year? I guess it explains what this whole blog thing is for. I'm pretty certain that this will be my last year here in Ann Arbor before I move onto grad school, and I want to make the most of it. I want to leave this place overflowing with appreciation and thankfulness for all that God has taught me, blessed me with, and refined me through. So every day, I'm going to reflect on what I appreciate and what I'm thankful for on that day; hopefully, this will allow me to refresh my daily perspective and recent conviction to live with fullness, joy, thanksgiving, and purpose and renew me every single day to live with full and complete worship of who He is.
And I guess a side note would have to be that the public-ness of a blog is going to force me to just be myself and not to care so much about maintaining and polishing some nonexistent reputation of mine. I'm going to be as honest and as appropriately flayed as possible because contrary to a personal flaw of mine, I'm not living to sustain a lofty and false image of myself. I'm here on earth to live for an audience of One, and if writing and honestly babbling about what I appreciate and am so thankful for every single day allows me to love Him more, surely this will give Him glory.
Hopefully. =) Of course, this could all flop, and this post could be the second to last entry I'll ever write, and the dreams of a movie called Lisa and Lulia (starring Sandra Oh of course) based on the crazy blog writings of a twenty-something Christian dreamer and idealist could fly right out the window and shatter before my eyes.
I guess Sandra Oh will have to wait and see what happens.
I guess the title does have to do with P. Seth in that those words are what I hope to be a theme for this year after listening to his sermon this past Sunday. Oh man...I really feel like God used that Sunday to bring me down to my knees and desire a change in my perspective, and I'm so thankful that God is like that. Even though I've been so wayward, doing my own thing, caring only for myself, being rebellious as usual, He still pulls me back, using a powerful and personal sermon like last Sunday's when I wasn't even expecting or asking for it. Man, God, You're so awesome, and I love you for that! :)
P. Seth began the sermon asking, "What do you get up in the morning for?" or something along those lines....and that question not only challenged, but it also moved me. The past couple weeks, I'd been living basically for myself. I'd been living selfishly, and it showed by how wasteful the days seemed. There was no fruit - I felt like I was just existing the past 2-3 weeks. Yikes! That's not the kind of life that Christ died for. God drove me to repentance that Sunday morning, and I'm hoping and praying that I will make much of my days. I hope and pray that I will live each day to its fullest. I hope and pray that I will give every minute as a worship to God. I hope and pray that I would have a heart of joy and thanksgiving the very moment I wake in the morning.
"Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives" (Psalm 90.14, NLT).
Dang. This is what I want for my mornings and my life.
So what does this have to do with my new toothpaste slogan for the year? I guess it explains what this whole blog thing is for. I'm pretty certain that this will be my last year here in Ann Arbor before I move onto grad school, and I want to make the most of it. I want to leave this place overflowing with appreciation and thankfulness for all that God has taught me, blessed me with, and refined me through. So every day, I'm going to reflect on what I appreciate and what I'm thankful for on that day; hopefully, this will allow me to refresh my daily perspective and recent conviction to live with fullness, joy, thanksgiving, and purpose and renew me every single day to live with full and complete worship of who He is.
And I guess a side note would have to be that the public-ness of a blog is going to force me to just be myself and not to care so much about maintaining and polishing some nonexistent reputation of mine. I'm going to be as honest and as appropriately flayed as possible because contrary to a personal flaw of mine, I'm not living to sustain a lofty and false image of myself. I'm here on earth to live for an audience of One, and if writing and honestly babbling about what I appreciate and am so thankful for every single day allows me to love Him more, surely this will give Him glory.
Hopefully. =) Of course, this could all flop, and this post could be the second to last entry I'll ever write, and the dreams of a movie called Lisa and Lulia (starring Sandra Oh of course) based on the crazy blog writings of a twenty-something Christian dreamer and idealist could fly right out the window and shatter before my eyes.
I guess Sandra Oh will have to wait and see what happens.
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