here's a confession: sometimes, i do my QT during TC. i know. its shameful. im messed up. but there are some days God really speaks to me, and whatever regrets i might have go right out the window.
saturday was that day.
Mark 8.22-25 (NLT) = "When they arrived at Bethsaida, some people brought to a blind man to Jesus, and they begged him to touch the man and heal him. Jesus took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village. Then, spitting on the man's eyes, he laid his hands on him and asked, 'Can you see anything now?' The man looked around, 'Yes,' he said, 'I see people, but I can't see them very clearly. They look like trees walking around.' Then Jesus placed his hands on the man's eyes again, and his eyes were opened. His sight was completely restored, and he could see everything clearly."
i read this passage with mere curiosity at first...why did it take "2 tries" for Jesus to heal this blind man? Clearly, Jesus can heal people immediately; there were countless people - blind, lame, sick, even dead, who were instantly healed by Christ. so why the heck did Jesus heal this man in this specific way - partially first before completely healing him? why? what was His purpose in doing so? so i broke the passage down verse by verse while i should have been listening to the pastors (yikes!). several observations: (1) it wasn't the blind man himself who asked for healing. in previous passages, it would be the sick people themselves who would personally ask Jesus for help and healing. but in this case, it was other people who seemed to be begging for him. (2) Jesus took the man by the hand (verse 23a). even before Jesus heals him, there is a display of love and compassion for this man in the act of taking his hand. (3) Jesus leads the man out of the village, out of the view of the people who brought him to Jesus in the first place. the setting becomes deeply personal. there weren't throngs of people watching. it was just between Jesus and the blind man.
this blind man probably didn't know Jesus. He either didnt know or he just didnt care. In prior passages, people would flock toward Jesus when they saw Him come near. but this blind man didnt even personally ask Jesus for healing. it was other people who brought him to Jesus. and by looking at Jesus' subsequent actions, i think more than physical healing, Jesus wanted this blind man to know Him. Jesus just wanted this man to know Him personally. man. isnt that so awesome? Jesus wanted a personal encounter and love relationship with this blind man first and foremost. He led the blind man by the hand out of the village into this very personal setting. how beautiful is that? Jesus wanted this guy to know Him first before getting healed. and i think Jesus partially healed the guy first as a part of knowing Him more - getting a taste of the power of Jesus Christ before being fully healed.
wow. isnt that beautiful? i think im just personally touched by this because whenever i think of healing, i think about my own bondage/addiction, and how God has recently set me free. i remember asking God all these years, "Why is healing taking so long? when, when, when are you going to set me free? Come on, God!" but i am just like this blind man. Before physically healing me, Jesus just wanted me to know Him personally first and foremost. He wanted me to know Him. And these past 5-6 years have been this painfully beautiful journey of knowing Him more. falling in love with Him. that's what Christ wanted for me.
i sat there in TC, just completely overwhelmed by this. that's what these past 5-6 years have been about. Knowing Him more. Jesus guiding me into a deeper and more personal relationship with Him, receiving, and understanding His love for me. Then receiving the full healing.
a couple hours later, i was having lunch with a life group sister at sushi.com, and she asked me (along these lines), "If someone asked you to choose between God and your family, what would you choose? Who would you really choose?" and without a doubt, without a moment's hesitation, i can confidently say that I would choose Christ above everything else in my life - family, future, finances, success, friends, whatever! no doubt about it. but this confidence comes after 5-6 years of knowing Him more - feeling my failures, surrendering my standards, receiving His grace, experiencing His love. man, God, thank You so much. Thank you so much. i want to follow You and grow deeper in love with You all the days of my life. and i know that your disciples had once vowed the same, only for them to fail you at your darkest hour (cough, cough way to go Peter), but i hope and pray that I will be one of the few who are chosen out of the many who are called to follow you radically with all of their hearts.
thank You so much, Jesus. i am so completely filled with gratitude and love with You in this moment.
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