i can imagine God shaking His head at me, smiling, even chuckling a bit, amused by my Martha-mentality. yesterday, during my QT, God settled my bustling mind and reminded me that growing more love for Him and further growing my intimacy with Him was the way to "close out well." its so simple. thats the one and only rule. "just fall in love with me more and more each day and walk in increasing intimacy with Me. and all the other stuff - the faithfulness to all the areas of your life - that will all come as an extension of that one simple instruction. just love Me. you don't have to meet up with all these people before you leave. you don't have to do all these things. all you have to do with your last couple months here is sit down beside my feet and just be with Me. Shed away that Martha side of you and discover the Mary."
and peace just flooded into my heart. because honestly, that's all i really want to do with time i have left here.
had dinner with dan yesterday evening. he was from my life group last year, and i've only been able to chat briefly with him during services this past year. from what i could observe, he seemed to be growing a lot, and i was thankful to see that God was taking care of him. i think thats one of the great things about life group ministry. more than the actual year of life group itself, you see God's continuing faithfulness and love in your members' lives long after your life group ends. its awesome and speaks to God's power and love for us. He really does pursue a love relationship with us.
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| oh dan. he has such a ridiculously huge heart. upon entrance, he greeted me with a huge pastry ring from panera bread. thats right. an entire pound of danish pastries. |
for dinner with dan, i made braised pork ribs, asparagus, and some pineapple pancake/patties from leftover dough i had from a failed pineapple bread recipe from last week. forgot to take a picture (argh) but i can definitely say that i learned a couple things the second time around with these recipes: 1) braising is the way to go. if you have the time, you have got to braise. 2) there's nothing more pride-inducing and pat-on-the-back-esque than a successful culinary improvisation. i was going to make mashed potatoes, but horrifically, my potatoes had sprouted. scanning the refrigerator, my eyes caught the bowl of pineapple bread dough that i had epically failed to create last week. but whatevs. i mashed the bread dough into patties and fried them with butter. i was uncertain about how these would taste, but dan really enjoyed the pineapple patties. i think he might have enjoyed them more than the actual entree itself....either that speaks about how good the pineapple patties were or how mediocre the meat was......haha.
on a more serious note, dinner was really, really, really good. there was vulnerable and open sharing, something that i would never have dreamed of doing with younger brothers years ago. without disclosing too much, all i can really say is that yesterday evening was an awesome personal praise because God showed me He had answered prayers i had been lifting up for years.
"Your greatest misery will be your greatest ministry." i heard that several years ago, and at the time, i thought that phrase was absolutely beautiful. this was because at the time, it was all just plain misery - i was struggling with the strongholds and bondages in my life. i remember sitting in gatherings during those years, wondering - "God, when? When are you going to set me free?" but during those years of waiting, i would cling to the hope of God's ultimate plan for redemption. and i'd pray year after year - "Lord, let my greatest misery be my greatest ministry. All this pain i'm going through, use it. Somehow, make my brokenness beautiful. Somehow, one day, may all the crap that I'm going through right now be used for Your glory." that was the one thing i'd cling to - that sliver of God's redemption.
Hallelujah, Jesus. Because that phrase is no longer just full of painful longing. It's finally come alive. It's here, and it's now. Hallelujah.
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