2/12: a brother's love

genuine friendships with brothers has not been easy for me.  and its not due to the character of the guys around me, but more due to experiences i had with significant men when i was young, experiences that sprouted deep-seated lies and insecurities in my heart.  and over the years, these deceptions were only magnified by the teasing i received from peer guys when i was growing up and even when i was in undergrad.  i didnt realize how crippling these lies were, how Satan had been using these lies to rob me from the abundant life i was meant to live.  i didnt realize all of this until after returning from Chile missions, an experience where God began the healing work that i wasnt even aware i needed.  Hallelujah, God!  :)  You are so good.
whenever i share my testimony about Chile and what God started in my heart from that missions trip, i always reference two particular brothers: ismael & giovanni.  these 2 brothers showered me with love, a love i had never received from any guy before.  its crazy to think i had to travel thousands of miles to receive this, but who am i to try and figure out God's ways? 

en mi corazon para siempre

these two awesome men of God gave me so much affirmation and love.  and it wasn't contrived or obligatory - their care and appreciation was completely organic and genuine.  i'd never been called "pretty" by a guy before (i've mostly received jokes about how generally unkempt i am), but i'll always remember when giovanni and i were riding on the bus together, and out of nowhere, as he was looking at me, he just said, "lisa, you know what?  i like that you don't wear makeup.  because you're pretty as you are."  the heck.  i'd never heard any brother say that to me.  in that one simple comment and in his accompanying genuine smile of brotherly love, all the years of teasing, all the years of believing otherwise - God melted them away.  i'll never forget when ismael, who knew as much english as i knew spanish (i took french and german in school), never held back his affirmations of me.  "lisa, you have a good personality.  i really like your personality.  i like being around people like you," he said once.  and though his english was broken, his eyes spilled affection and appreciation, and i understood exactly what he meant to convey.  for years, the brothers here in the states who knew perfect english used their perfect english to bring me down, dismiss me, and even deprecate me. but ismael, in broken sentences, helped me to see that i wasn't all the horrible things that i had believed myself to be for so many years. 

it kinda breaks my heart to think that these brothers might never fully understand how powerfully God had used them to heal me.  ismael and giovanni - do you guys know how much of Christ's love you showed to me?  do you guys know that God eroded away all the lies and insecurities through your affirmation and care?  i love you guys so much.  thank you guys for restoring my heart, for helping me to see myself the way God sees me, for showing me that i can be loved, just the way i am. 

its been a full month since i first realized and shared these things with people, but im reminded again of these things because of the Valentine's Day blessing my life group brothers organized for the sisters.  it was beautiful, thoughtful, and absolutely touching to see these brothers cook delicious food, perform endearing musical numbers, festoon the apt with rose petals and water-filled vases, and serve us in bright red sweaters and ties.  i have so many thoughts from yesterday evening's V-Day blessing, thoughts i will probably end up feeling again at the end of the year when i look back at how faithful and good God has been to this group, thoughts that swelled up in my heart as i was in the kitchen, 5 hours after the start of the V-day party, the brothers and sisters still relaxing out in the living room like a family.  but the thought that brings me back to ismael, giovanni, and the other Chilean jovenes is the hope that my life group sisters will know how beautiful and wonderful they really are.  i hope they won't go through the years of self-doubt, of self-loathing, of self-deception as i did.  i hope they will receive love and affirmation from the brothers around them.  i hope that now, when they're freshmen, when they're sophomores, when they're juniors, when they're seniors, they will always, constantly, and continually be affirmed and loved by the brothers around them.  i hope that they will never doubt how "fearfully and wonderfully made" they are.  i hope that the brothers in their lives will show them that they are truly His beloved.  His beloved.  

His beloved

thanks Blind Side brothers!  :)