4/29: faith in the future

had dinner with erica last friday at jerusalem garden, which was chosen not only because jerusalem garden is apparently the best mediterranean restaurant per the michigan daily, but also for sentimental reasons.  one of my first meals with erica was at oasis, another mediterranean restaurant on-campus, and it was at oasis that erica lifted up specific prayers for me that i believe God has answered this year.  though our friendship has faded a bit over the past 2 years, i still wanted to be able to share with her the praises of these answered prayers.  erica was once a significant older sister in my life when i was struggling to trust God with my future, and even though she may no longer play that same role now, i believe God sovereignly placed her at that specific season of my life, and as i close out my time here, i wanted to be share with her the fruits of the prayers she had sown in those years ago.

even though erica and i haven't really talked one-on-one in over a year, we jumped right back into things last friday, laughing hysterically, annoying the rest of the customers inside the hole-in-the-wall.  i'm sure we smeared the reputation of asians that night, but that evening, we didn't care -- it was just about the two of us at that small table, updating one another on an entire year of God's beautiful craziness.  we were so wrapped up in our own conversation that 2 hours flew by without us realizing, before i had to go back home for a movie night with mi hermanas.  b/c there was still more to be shared, we ended up scheduling another meetup for this past wednesday.

but i think more than the fun, laughter, and ease of conversation, what was great about that meal was the personal reflection churned as we were sharing about our years.  even though we were in life group together my sophomore and her junior year, it was only after she asked me to be her prayer partner for her china missions that brought us together that summer.  even to this day, i'm not sure why she asked me since we really didn't know each other, but i'm thankful that God led her to initiate that friendship.  through those times of prayer and sharing, we not only got to know one another, but i was also able to see firsthand the gift of faith.  i shared this with her last friday night, but i think the way she reasons is so unique and is something that is truly God-breathed.  she thinks through trials and situations with a steady and unwavering faith in our great and sovereign God.  God has given erica the gift of the faith, and i know that God used this gift to sovereignly minister to me during that specific season of my life when i was struggling to believe that God had a good future in store for me. 

at the end of my freshman year in college, God revealed to me the idols of my freshie aspirations, idols of prestige, respect, and my parents.  and after those idols were brought to light, i realized how suffocating and empty a life lived for material goods and for my parents would be.  im thankful because at the end of my freshman year, God started chipping away at those idols and started directing my worship from worldly things to Him.  but the subsequent years after that breakthrough were filled with confusion.  ok...so i didn't want to live for my parents anymore.  i wanted to live for God.  that was so freeing...but what were God's plans for me?  what did He make me to be?  what did He want me to do?  and how was He going to use me?  so i dabbled in different things while i was in undergrad -- english (did i want to be a teacher?  a writer?), languages (for a possible international studies major), psychology (maybe counseling?), but after 4 years in undergrad, God brought me back full-circle to medicine, and after 4 years of undergrad and 2 years of working in several hospitals, i know that medicine is where my vocational future lies. 

its been a long journey.  and through that journey, through the questions, through the confusion, through the rabbit trails, through the doubts, i remember that erica was there to reassure me -- whether through prayers or even a mini-booklet of verses -- with God's truths and promises.  because the truth is, yes, God has plans not to harm but to prosper me, plans for a hope and future; yes, when we trust in God with all of our heart and lean not on our own understanding, He makes our paths straight; yes, our God is our strength, portion, and inheritance forever and we are co-heirs with Christ; yes, God will provide for us as a father provides for his beloved children; yes, we are God's masterpiece and were created to do the good things He planned for us long ago. 

i remember she would frequently pray for me to have greater faith and trust in God concerning my future.  and now, 2 years after graduating from college, God has answered that prayer.  i can confidently say that i have a solid faith and trust in God concerning my future.  i leave ann arbor with a lot of peace because i know that God goes before me.  after sharing with her about how God brought me to the PA profession and how God had graciously not only admitted me into my top-choice school but also with a generous scholarship and a vocational vision, we were both able to praise God together with thanksgiving.  i was once so lost when it came to the future, but i leave this place confidently, feeling so much peace, trusting that God will continue to guide me every step of the way. 

me and erica (December 2007)

April 2010

seriously...God is so good.  lisa, remember this moment.  remember this heart of thanksgiving when it comes to ur future.  ur walking into these next 2 years knowing with complete confidence that this profession and this field is something you not only love, but something God has made you for and will use you through.  lisa, remember His sovereign provisions up until this point -- that fateful talk with that PA at UHS when you were a junior, the EKG technician job at the UMich hospital after graduation, the scribe job at St. Joseph-Mercy Hospital this past year, the vision and dream for medical missions, the admission to school, the scholarship -- sovereign provisions that affirm He is blazing the trail before you.  lisa, remember that your life was given by God, that your abilities, interests, skills, and passions were given by God, and that your future is to be for God. 

went back home after dinner to watch schindler's list con mi hermanas, who hadn't seen it before.  travesty.  idk how anyone could not have seen this movie before. 

its been a while since i've seen the movie, and to be honest, last friday's viewing wasn't as powerful and effective as my first.  but regardless, it's an expertly-made film: the casting is perfect (hats off to ralph fiennes as amon goeth, who doesn't go overboard on the character's sadism but plays the nazi more as a quiet and calm menace, which makes him all the more terrifying) and the screenwriting and directing isn't over-the-top, but rather gentle, adding to the quiet and slow draw the film does to the audience.  oskar schindler isn't written as some overly philanthropic and magnanimous german Gandhi.  and the Polish ghetto and concentration camp scenes aren't manipulative in drawing out saccharine emotions.  the movie just tells the story as it is, no over-the-top garnishes required, and its attempt to be "realistic" (which im guessing is why spielberg chose to go black and white as was fitting for the time...or maybe he wanted it to be like a documentary?) succeeds in poignancy. 

while my primary response to my first viewing of the film years ago was horror at the holocaust, this second/third viewing brought out different reflections (which i guess is the beauty of watching films more than once).  there's a point towards the latter half of the film when schindler and his accountant, stern, compile a list of jews in the plaszow concentration camp to move to a factory in schindler's hometown under the guise of using them as workers, but in reality, to keep them from being transported to the auschwitz concentration camp.  as they're making this list of ~1100 Jews, stern states, "This list is life."

during this scene, i was thinking...dang, the people on that list are so lucky.  they were basically handpicked to live.  and the ones who made it on the list were no better or worse than the Jews that weren't on schindler's list.  there was no criteria to be on this list -- no skills, no reputation, no history of prior good deeds or favors.  and out of the millions of Jews who were murdered, these 1100 Jews were able to live not simply because schindler literally saved their lives by putting them on his list. 

which got me thinking about the Book of Life, and how blessed and lucky i am to have eternal life.  i have life.  i have salvation.  God saved me.  my name is written in the Book of Life, and i get to live.  i don't go on the train leading to death and destruction.  i get to live.  not because i'm better than anyone, not because i've done great things, not because i've done God a lot of favors, not because i have great skills.  God just picked me to live.  and i am so unbelievably lucky.  knowing that, knowing that i have life by grace should have me live this precious and fragile life to its absolute fullest.

i guess another reflection i had during this film was the life of oskar schindler.  man.  this was a guy who left a mark on this world.  he saved lives.  he made a difference.  at the end scene, stern says to schindler, "There will be generations because of what you did."  dang.  that's amazing.  now that's a life that was well lived.  this is the kind of life i, as a Christ-follower, am meant to live.  living loudly.  not quietly, making my own living, getting rich, getting by, building up my own tower of Babel.  but the life i'm called to live is a life that makes an impact, a life that "saves" lives, a life that makes a genuine difference.

one of my favorite quotes in this movie comes from schindler, before he compiles the infamous list, when he prepares to leave with his business fortune and leave behind the Jews he has come to love. 

schindler: They won't soon forget the name "Oskar Schindler" around here. "Oskar Schindler," they'll say, "everybody remembers him. He did something extraordinary. He did what no one else did. He came with nothing, a suitcase, and built a bankrupt company into a major manufactory. And left with a steamer trunk, two steamer trunks, of money. All the riches of the world."

in the next scene, he comes back and makes a deal with amon goeth, selling his fortune to save 1100 lives, writing his list with stern.  i love the above quote because of the aftermath, because he realizes the fallacy behind his statement, and he returns to find the real riches.  and yes, as he said, people don't forget the name of oskar schindler.  everybody does remember him.  he truly did do something extraordinary.  he came with nothing, and he left this earth with the true riches of this world.