no church is perfect. i've had my share of disagreements and qualms with HMCC. but i will always stand by what this church is doing here in UMich because i am a living, breathing, and walking testimony of the prayers and investment of this church. regardless of the disagreements and issues, i cannot deny God's presence, power, anointing, and favor upon this church, and i'll always be grateful for what God did through HMCC.
this was a part of the reason why i met with pastor seth last wednesday. i wanted to thank him for obeying God's call to plant a church in ann arbor over a decade ago. i wanted to thank him for faithfully leading and stewarding our church over the years. i wanted to thank him and show him that here was one person who was truly transformed by the work God had done through HMCC. another reason why i met with him was to ask him, a man who has been faithfully following Christ far longer than i have been alive, how he has remained steadfast in his walk with God. i'm well aware of the dangers of those who leave churches like harvest. there have been plenty of stories of past leaders who have fallen away or are still struggling spiritually after moving to different cities. and that worries the crap out of me. i remember some of the "big names" at our church, people who weren't just leaders but also characterized inspiring spiritual role models. and these very people are now struggling in their spiritual walks, no longer passionately and radically following Christ as they had once vowed to do. those stories worry me and remind me that our relationships with God are truly by His grace and by His grace alone. our works cannot earn our salvation. its only by His grace that im saved, its only by His grace that i have a relationship with Him, and its only by His grace that i feel this way about God. but who knows? though my spirit is willing, my flesh is weak, and im worried that once i step out of ann arbor, out of the nurturing community of HMCC, i might choose to love the world more than my God. peter was one of Christ's main disciples, and he still denied Him 3 times. if peter could fall in that way, what's gonna stop me?
this is a huge concern of mine as i prepare to leave. i want to remain a steadfast follower of Christ all of my days, regardless of place and circumstance. so i met with pastor seth last wednesday mainly to seek advice about continual Christ-followership. he's a man who has been walking with God throughout college, after graduation, through single adulthood, and now in marriage. that's no easy feat. even though there have been a lot of whispered criticisms of pastor seth, and yes, he definitely possesses flaws and weaknesses, no one can deny that he is a passionate and devoted Christ disciple. and that's something i want for myself until the end of my days here on earth.
which led to the discussion about spiritual community, and my own subsequent questions about how to go about finding a new church in chicago. while there was a definite "plug" for HMCC of chicago (haha), i actually left that conversation feeling more as though HMCC might not be the new spiritual home for me in this new chapter of my life. b/c one thing pastor seth kept mentioning was the utmost significance of a church's "mission and vision." if i don't agree and believe wholeheartedly in the mission and vision of a church, then all the other details -- distance, demographics, style, etc -- will not be enough to sustain active investment. he was mentioning that there have been people who have left our church to go to churches that were more suited to their life stage, whether single adulthood or marriage, and they ended up moving from church to church to adapt to their ever-changing circumstances, which, he emphasized, was a consumer mindset. and i agree. i don't want to attend a church simply because everyone around me is the same or because we're all in similar circumstances. i don't think that will be enough to challenge me in my relationship with God. i need to find a church with a mission and vision in which i believe since those two aspects will ground me throughout all the various transitions in my life.
which got me asking...what is my mission and vision? the more i've been reflecting, the more i feel like my personal mission and vision is diverging from the mission and vision of harvest, which i think was a part of the reason i felt like it was time for me to move on from ann arbor earlier this year. i'll always agree with the core mission of this church, and i truly and thankfully believe that i am a product of this church's central mission: to transform lives, lives for God's purposes, to transform the world for God's glory. im a product of this church's mission, but when it comes to my own personal mission, im not sure if they are one and the same. i think they stem from the same desire, but there are particular divergences that make it difficult for me to imagine committing wholeheartedly to harvest in the next stages of my life.
i know that harvest wants to see this transformation through college students, with a growing focus on international students, and through the avenue of church planting, which is all great, but im not sure if thats what God is personally calling me to be invested in. though im not exactly sure as this is still in the prayer works, i think my personal mission is more community-focused. i think God is wanting me invest in the community around me, to exude the Gospel in my surrounding community, a mission that has been gaining momentum since receiving the school scholarship. i'll be going to school and living in northern lake county for 4 years total, and in those 4 years, i believe that God is wanting me to invest in northern lake county, to be missional in that county, where i'm at, to bring change there. and i think this is going to be a lifelong personal mission of mine: medical missions, whether here in the States or internationally, but missions where i'm at, investing and pouring into the surrounding community. though this personal mission is still in the works, i think this is a preliminary outline that God has been laying on my heart, and i think that the church God wants me to be a part of next will be a church that exemplifies this particular vision.
there were a whole slew of other tidbits of advice pastor seth imparted to me when it came to continual Christ-followership: the importance of community in a church, making sure i had someone older who was continually speaking into my life and holding me accountable to my relationship with God, and the necessity of knowing myself, knowing my needs and knowing my weaknesses. these are all things i'm going to have to have to reflect on later cuz unfortunately, the urgency of finding a new church isn't as prodding now since i'm still spiritually "safe and secure" here in ann arbor at the moment. i'm sure that once i leave, i'll have to get down and reflect on all of his pieces of advice. but for now, i'm thankful for the spiritual home i've been a part of for the past 6 years, and i have faith that God will lead me to my new home, wherever He wants me to be.
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| pastor seth! |
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