4/28: full of surprises

finally made it to morning prayer last thursday after a series of failed attempts.  felt good to begin the day with God this way and be able to pray through the meeting i had with pastor seth the previous day.  man, i've really got to commit to praying for a new spiritual community.  last thursday, sitting in the church basement, as i was reflecting on the pastor seth's points, God led me to pray over the Acts 2.42-47 passage about the early church.  praying through each of these verses made me realize how much i want and need to be a part of a community that is Biblically based and founded, a church that is devoted to the Word, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer, a church resonating with God's awesome power and wonders, a church where its members exemplify hospitality and generosity not only with one another but also with the surrounding community, and a church of salvation songs and testimonies. 

the rest of last thursday was pretty busy with meeting with people, some old friends and others completely new.

started off with a goodbye to marla.  it was a little strange saying goodbye to her as i realized that i wasn't going to see her again or be a part of her life next year.   but as stated in the earlier post about this year's life group, after the initial sadness, there's a lot of peace knowing that God will continue to do great things in these members' lives, and that peace was there when i said goodbye to my redhead freshie.

met with gabby afterwards for froyo.

my relationship with gabby reminds me of how our earthly expectations for relationships is nowhere near what God has in mind.  my time in ann arbor is made up of a good smattering of people with whom i would not have expected to get along, but people to whom God has intertwined and connected my heart.  gabby represents one of these many examples.  i didn't know her at all prior to last summer's life group, and to be honest, i wasn't expecting much of a connection with her.  i confess -- i assume a lot, and it's one of my many horrible flaws, and last summer, i instantly assumed that gabby and i wouldn't gel together.  but from our very first meetup, God threw my assumptions out the window (as He seems to like to do).  from our very first conversation and in the subsequent meetups, our times have flowed surprisingly easily -- she has been unexpectedly open, i've seen God in her updates, and she has even asked me about my own life.  i'm sure she's not aware of this, but the fact that she always takes the initiative to ask how i'm doing is such a blessing because after several years of drilling younger sisters with questions and hearing them share their problems, its surprising and refreshing to be with someone who expresses a genuine interest in your own life too.

had dinner at palio with another unexpected and fairly new friend from this past year.  drum roll....(haha)

victor!

palio's carne special -- forgot the name but i remember it had something to do with grilled chicken, basil aioli, and some roasted vegetables.  yum!

victor is an unexpected friend indeed.  as we discussed that night, victor's known pretty much of all of my peer girlfriends for a couple of years, but as for the two of us, we've pretty much been complete strangers until this past year.  prior to this year, he was always just the worship band's drummer or the guy i'd say an awkward passing hello to, but nothing beyond a church acquaintance (and acquaintance is even stretching it).  i still don't know when and how, but sometime this past year, we started to actually have conversations, and i'd even hang out with him outside of the four walls of our church.  craziness.  i'm still wondering when this change occurred.  though i might not figure it out, i'm thankful nevertheless for the new friend that i've found this year, a friend i found through random movie nights, a friend with whom i went on chile missions, a friend who has been a steady source of support and generosity, from opening up his place for storage to goodbye meals like last thursday's.

that dinner was unexpectedly chill...and even fun.  i expected a meal full of awkward silences, but surprisingly, just like our friendship, God went beyond my earthly expectations.  the meal consisted of comfortable conversation -- there was a natural and easy flow to our conversation, and i found myself bummed that i had to head over to my next meeting.  i think i could have easily spent another hour or two with him.  how unexpected is that?  i would never have thought that the drummer i barely knew would become someone God would use to show me His love.  i would never have thought that this once complete stranger would become someone God would use to affirm the healing restorative work He's done in my heart when it comes to guys.  the fact that i'm able to form a new friendship with a peer/older guy and be so comfortable around him is something new and foreign to me, especially when all my other interactions with guys in the past were plagued with hurt, insecurities, and lies.  God has used victor to confirm the victory i have in Christ, the victory of His good and perfect redemptive work in my life.

after dinner, met with andre for the very first time.  i don't share any other context with andre except for our ministry team, and even then, our contact is very minimal.  i barely know the kid, so when he asked if he could meet up with me out-of-the-blue last week, i was kinda like...wtheck?  why?  dude...i'm leaving in a week...what would be the point, you know?  haha.  but i trust in God's sovereignty, and as i walked into starbucks, i wondered about God's purposes for a meetup with a guy i barely knew, a guy with whom i prolly wouldn't develop much of a future context since i'd be leaving soon.  to be honest, i didn't really expect much of anything, but im learning time and time again that God goes above and beyond our pitiful, earthly expectations.   

i guess unexpectedness was a theme for last thursday b/c my time with andre was a surprising blessing.  i thought that i was going to be asking a lot of questions about his life and prodding about what he was currently going through, which is what usually happens when i meet with people.  but in fact, this wasn't the reason why andre wanted to meet up.  in this kid, i observed a genuine desire to grow as a Christ-follower.  so instead of the usual probing questions i'd ask or testimonies i thought he'd share, he had questions concerning spiritual gifts, gifts that he thought i shared, gifts that i had been neglecting as of late.  this wasn't a typical get-to-know meetup; this was a how-can-i-grow-as-a-disciple-of-Christ turned into an indirect assessment of my own spiritual growth meetup.  i was so thankful because his questions challenged me to reflect about how i've been developing my prayer and intercessory life and ultimately revealed how much i had been neglecting them.  i think he wanted to meet with me because he wanted to be "taught," but i ended up being the one humbled, challenged, and "taught," forced into a much-needed self-assessment. 

that night with andre, seeing his genuine heart, discussing spiritual gifts, and being challenged to grow in this area myself -- through one conversation, God went above and beyond my expectations.  because through that one conversation, a complete stranger became a new brother.  who would have thought?

afterwards, met with carol for "our last official discipleship" (as she called it) since she was going to be leaving for home during the weekend.  we went to sava's for dessert.

chocolate molten lava cake served with vanilla ice cream, a dish that was far better than the fruit tart that was not even worthy of a picture

regarding me taking a picture of her, carol: "this is awkward, lisa."

oh carol.  since we're on the subject of unexpected friendships, she is definitely one of the biggest pleasant surprises of my time here in ann arbor.  i've already written a good handful of posts about her and our relationship, so i know i don't need to describe the unexpectedness of how much our relationship has grown since our very first meeting on palmer field over 3 years ago, of how God connected and knit our hearts together while we were LCGs 2 summers ago, of how i've felt the Spirit moving whenever we've met, and of how God has grown my heart for her over the years. 

as carol said, this was "our official last discipleship," and looking back, i think that night perfectly encapsulates my relationship with her: the evening was comfortable, she was completely honest and vulnerable, there was a flow to the conversation, i felt like the Spirit was with us as words, exhortations, and encouragements seemed to spill from my lips, then, when i believed carol had thoughtfully digested all the things we discussed about her spiritual health, she would pull out random comments that hearkened back to her rebellion, and yet, in the end, instead of being discouraged at her blatant disobedience, i was at peace because i knew that ultimately, God loved her, and He'd always keep her in His hand.  God loves her so much, and i know that over the past several years of ups and downs, of radical obedience and deliberate disobedience, God has remained steadfast with her.  He has always brought her back to Him.  He loves her too much to let her go.  though i'm sure she will continue to have her fair share of ups and downs in the coming years, i'm confident that as she continues to grow as a person and as a Christ-follower, the oscillations will decrease.

there was a point in our conversation when we both started tearing up as we were thinking about next year and how things would look different when it came to our relationship.  as i was sharing with her my heart and my hopes and prayers for her concerning next year, tears fell from both our eyes.  tears fell because i want so badly for carol to be able to fall deeper in love with Christ, to know God in a truly intimate way, to grow as a consistent Christ-disciple, to challenge her faith and obedience, and knowing that i wouldn't be there next year for her in this journey, to hold her accountable, physically check up on her, exhort her, rebuke her, encourage her, pray for her -- that really got to me.

i was surprised that i cried that night.  on a later discussion with carol, she confessed her own surprise.  but i think how i felt that night really demonstrates how much i really do love this girl and how much room she's taken up in my heart over the years. 

Father, thank You so much for my sister, carol.  thank You for bringing her into my life and growing our relationship so unexpectedly as You did.  thank You for showing me Your love and power through her.  thank You for showing me Your Spirit during our times together.  thank You for using her extravagant support, love, and care to exemplify Your own love for me.  thank You for using her incessant encouragement and affirmation to help chip away at my past self-loathing.  but most of all, i thank You for saving her and for the promise that You will continue to be her shepherd in the many years to come.

Father, thank You for every unexpected and surprising friendship i have had in ann arbor, relationships You continue to surprise me with even in my last week here.