4/8: sprinting, not coasting

God's timing on the convictions and callings He gives us is something we can't conjure and control.  i think His timing also ends up throwing us in for a loop; His ways often seem to be drastically different from our own naively conceived timelines.  two years ago, during my senior year in college, i felt like God was calling me to stay in ann arbor after graduation to really address the bondage issues in my life.  i was hoping that God was going to heal me from these issues that year after graduation, but what i was anticipating didn't happen.  if anything, i struggled with the issues even more.  it was actually another year later, when i went on chile missions, when God began to start unexpected healing and redeeming process.  i guess this goes to show that God's calling doesn't always map out in that "year-by-year" timeline that we want or envision for ourselves.  and im realizing that a lot of these things that i assign timelines to are actually built upon prior years that spill from one year into the next, blurring that concrete line that we draw for ourselves.  for example, when i felt like God wanted me to stay in ann arbor upon graduating to address my bondages, i didn't know that the healing work in my heart had actually started then, with that decision to stay, because those 2 years leading up to chile was full of experiences, events, and struggles that were essential for me to get to where i am now.  they were all built upon one another. 

last year, i decided to stay for yet another year because i felt like God was calling me to stay to grow in "prayer and ministry."  i remember being so ready to leave for chicago last year, but after that winter retreat, God turned the tables on me.  growth in "prayer and ministry" -- those were the 2 things i'd reference when people asked me why i stayed again, and those were the 2 words i'd journal about in my own questioning times.

looking back on this past year, i think God truly has changed the way i do "ministry."  and as to prayer, i think He's definitely grown my personal prayer life.  a year ago, i don't know if i would have been able to pray for more than 30 at a time, but this year, God has taught me how to pray for several hours, how to commune with Him, how to hear His voice, and how to seek His Spirit throughout the day.  and even now, up until the last month of my time here in ann arbor, God is still wanting to challenge and grow my prayer life, just as He convicted me of over a year ago. 

it seems to be a common theme, maybe even a broken record, but God is growing my prayer life now by stretching my idea of intercession.  since prayer gathering on thursday, there's been this heaviness in my heart for the pre-Christian individuals in my life group and a newfound desperation for God's power in their lives.  intercession in the past for me has been more about praying for the people in my life who i've met up with, people who are important to me, people i know intimately.  maybe b/c im kind of an emo person, praying on behalf of people who are near and dear to my heart was never too difficult.  but as shown in prior posts, this past week, God has been challenging me to interceed for those who i don't know well, to pray for the lost in the same way i'd pray for my friends and for those in whom i'm investing.  i feel like God is asking me to learn from how how Jesus prayed at Gethsemane.  Jesus didn't just pray for His disciples; He prayed for the whole world.  in the same way, its not enough for me to just interceed on behalf of those who are close to me; i need to learn what it means to truly interceed on behalf of those i barely know, and eventually, people i've never met before. 

hmm...this is a radical notion for me, but something i know that God wants to grow, starting with the pre-Christians in my life.  i felt like God was challenging me to interceed in a new and radical way on thursday night, but i kind of ignored the challenge.  but at ACCESS on friday night, i think God confirmed this radical stretching of my prayer life. 

as noted in previous posts, over the past week, God has been placing a burden on my heart for the several pre-Christians in my life group, a burden that grew exponentially on thursday after having dinner with one of them.  i know that God wants me to be daily interceeding for them.  but i felt like he was also asking me to fast for them too, which would definitely stretch my idea of intercessory prayers.  b/c its no longer just a desperate verbal cry uttered during morning prayer or thought out during the day.  its an aching and gnawing of my heart and soul, manifested through a hunger for God to move and work in His full power and glory, a desperate and urgent hunger that is felt at my very core for these brothers and sisters to receive salvation one day, a hunger to make these final weeks leading to easter celebration -- where the Gospel will be presented to them in various forms -- count.  its a thirst for a cultivation of good soil in their hearts so that when the Gospel is preached to them either before or on Easter, there will be seeds that will fall on good soil so that one day, whether it be this year or many years later, the seeds will take deep root and bear the fruit of salvation. 

theres still so much i have to learn about prayer and intercession.  im thankful that God doesn't just want me to coast by during my time here.  up until the very end, He's going to stretch my relationship with Him.  He stretched my idea of love for Him last week.  and this week, He's been wanting to stretch my prayer life with Him by expanding my paradigm of intercession.  up until the very end of my time here, He's going to grow this area of intercession in my life, an area that i felt convicted to grow in last year, a conviction that caused me to stay.  man, God's timing on His convictions and callings truly doesn't match our own picture-perfect timetables.  b/c im thinking to myself -- God, i really don't want to fast in the way that i feel like You're asking me to.  seriously, God?  are u kidding?  im leaving in a couple weeks.  i want to be able to share as many meals as i can with the people here and try out as many ann arbor eating establishments as possible.  why are you asking me to enter in this time of fasting now of all times?  come on, God!

writing this out makes me feel a little sheepish, and i felt sheepish friday night at ACCESS when i was wrestling with Him about this whole intercession/fasting thing.  like...really, God?  but at the same time, i felt like God was telling me the same thing.  "like...really, lisa?  are you kidding me?  i've blessed you with so much here in ann arbor.  and i want to teach you how to really intercede, and you're balking at the idea b/c you want to eat some food with people?!  come on, lisa!" 

le sigh.  God truly is such a fatherly teacher. 

it turns out this past ACCESS was the last ACCESS of the year, and therefore, my very last one.  it didn't go off with a big hoopla.  it was the typical friday service - opening worship, announcements, a fairly long sermon chock-full of acronyms, closing worship and reflection.  but im thankful b/c that night, God challenged me not to coast by, but to sprint to the finish line.  even though this was the last official ACCESS, i wasn't "off the hook" quite yet.  God is going to continue pushing me, stretching me, growing me, challenging me up until the very end.

a glimpse of ACCESS: